Friday, January 1, 2010

A Hyperpreposterous Interpretation of Dan 12:4

What follows is a hyperpreposterous interpretation of Dan 12:4, utilizing the newly found hermeneutics of hyperpreposterism. Though hyperpreposterism had its official beginning in 1971 when the now reclusive Max Klingtobadpremises first advanced the theory, hyperpreposterous have an elaborate way to see hyperpreposterism in every theological writing they read. But without further delay (see, the veiled time-text reference there???)…I give you this amazing life-changing interpretation.

If you look at Dan 12:4 you will immediately notice this simple pattern that unlocks the true interpretation.
First, Daniel has an “I” in the middle of it if you include the aroist trailing space that only a seminary trained person would know about (or some guy who name-drops & panders about all the people he knows). If you read the text you will notice that the 18th character is a “P”. This is significant because 18-6=12 (Daniel has 6 letters). Next, if you count to the 20th character in the text, you will see it is an “H”. (20 is half of 40, 40=completeness so 20 means half of the interpretation is complete — see how simple it is?)
Going on, a person can easily see that in the NKJV, Dan 12:4 has 27 words which is equal to the number of NT books which should cause the interpreter to think of “covenantal” fulfillment. We know God covenantally made the “world” in 6 days & rested on the 7th, but that the 8th day is like the very first covenantal day. Thus as we look at Dan 12:4 we notice there are 8 “O’s” in the passage. AMAZING how understanding everything “covenantally” unlocks the Bible.
Stay with me now. This is getting exciting. This is something the historic Christian interpretation has missed for almost 2000 years. It is good we hyperpreposterous figured it all it. The word “end” if properly understood as not really meaning end but actually meaning something else that we can surely re-define even against any reasonable logic — I mean only hateful, close-minded people would try to restrain us from reading the “Bible alone”…by our own private method. I mean, who are these people? Roman Catholics? Anyhow — “N” is the middle letter of the word “end” & “N” is at the near beginning in the word Daniel. It is important to understand “the end” is really apocalyptically the same as “the beginning” Really, it is — there is even a new book out called “Beyond Creative Speculation” about this very thing & hyperpreposterous can quote from it. Therefore “N” is significant in our interpretation of Daniel 12:4.
Finally when we put in the last piece of the puzzle — because as you know our hyperpreposterous, postmodernist paradigm dictates that we approach the Bible as “puzzle” which we only need to apply a little empirical grease & we can tease out an interpretation — we can clearly understand what Daniel 12:4 is actually talking about.
I know some people think it is talking about the Internet, air-flight, or even the general industrialization of the world but I think once you see how it all comes together, you will see how logical it is.
The word Daniel has as its 5th character, the letter “E” & if you notice Daniel 12:4 in the NKJV has 5 words that end in the letter “E”, with the last word in the passage being one of them — this way we know our interpretation is done.
Putting all of the pieces together we will be able to know the true & hyperpreposterous interpretation of Daniel 12:4.

“I” “P” “H” “O” “N” “E”

The iphone is the increase of knowledge. Apple as we know makes the iphone & an apple also represents the forbidden fruit…see how the end is the same as the beginning? Everything is apocalyptic folks.
So leave your historic Christianity behind & join the hyperpreposterous cult where you will be able to participate in this type of interpretation on a daily basis. You too will be able to be subjected to massive egos & vindictive characters. Yes, you too will be able to join a cadre of disenfranchised ex-church goers who now see themselves as the only true representatives of a “restored” understanding of eschatology. All you need is to claim the historic Christian interpretation of just about every doctrine has been in error & that you are simply being “biblical” & keeping to “Sola Scriptura” by chucking all of that & striking out on your own private interpretation…hey isn’t that what Martin Luther did…or was that Andreas Carlstadt?

Before you know it, you’ll have your own website or blog promoting hyperpreposterism & perhaps join other erudite hyperpreposterous at the 47-people-in-attendance conferences where you can sign books & spend late nights in the hotel bar talking hyperpreposterism over a few brewskies. Hey, its a paradigm shift!

No comments: